Friday, March 12, 2010

The Tragic End........

for John came on a bitter cold January day in 1972, the 19th, when he committed suicide by jumping off the Triborough Bridge (now the Robert F. Kennedy) in New York City. Triborough is a collection of 3 bridges actually, connecting the burroughs of Manhattan, Queens & The Bronx through Randall's & Ward's Island - he was found washed ashore on Ward's Island.  I've tried to figure just how high this bridge is but mathematics is not my  strong suit............... I'm sure it is quite high. I cannot even imagine what kind of mental or emotional state a person must be in to think jumping off a bridge, or whatever form of suicide, is the answer.  They (whoever "they" are) say that suicide is a selfish way to die, leaving behind loved ones with no answer to the question, "why?"  I disagree completely.  In my brother's case, he was diagnosed schizophrenic and I can only guess that he was in some type of psychotic moment, heard voices, couldn't stand the pain, and didn't see any other way out.  One must consider the state of mind of the person and  understand that someone in the throes of great depression, or whatever mental ailment consumes them, they are not thinking of anyone or anything, they're not even thinking of themselves, not really.  Their main, and only, objective is to stop the emotional pain they are feeling; they see no other way and, in most instances, don't even realize that what they're about to do is permanent, irreversible, no coming back.  Nope, there's no turning back, no "take 2" and no changing your mind.   From the time of his death in1972 to November 2009, I thought (as did the entire family when they were still living) that John was murdered - the police told me as much in 1972 - "homicide".  Well, apparently not, and you can imagine my surprise when I finally received documentation last year stating the contrary - "suicide".  Either form of death, homicide or suicide, is awful but it breaks my heart even more to know he chose to take his own life - and in such a way, oh my god!  His poor little body was battered and bruised, broken bones and fractured skull, to name just a few injuries. I can only guess he dove off that bridge because there were no lower body injuries, no broken bones, no fractures, nothing, and all injuries were to his upper body and face. Gruesome and graphic, yes, but this is death in the worst scenario and, for me, I simply must know all the details.   He was wearing blue "dungarees", a yellow shirt, green socks, brown lace up shoes and brown "suit" jacket - poor thing, the outfit sounds horrid - and he was wearing his black horn-rimmed glasses, the kind "Clark Kent" wore.  If only he was Superman and could have flown above & over that bridge.

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